Ponder On The Verses

Here's a birthday special poem of mine! I turn 18 today, and I've reflected a lot on the past year. I honestly went through a lot (and still haven't recovered yet...haha..), but this poem holds what the year left behind, it's my attempt to sit with it - without fixing it, without softening it in any way (and somehow pray I don't just stay in someone's memory). This poem is a tribute to the eighth emotion of the Navarasa, Shanta , which depicts peace, and the slow, uncertain process of arriving there. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing this (minus the tears..oops) Afterimage I keep mistaking memory for direction. Every thought bends back to you, smoke returning to a room already emptied of fire. I called this healing, this circling. As if naming the wound might persuade it to close. My mind learned your shape too well. Every future pauses there, as though peace were a place I could only enter through you. Even hope became a negotiatio...

I hate writing intros before my poems, but it's exam season right now, and I felt this is the best depiction of my "internal regime" during this season. (So here, enjoy this repulsive fragment of me, distilled and very unapologetic) Ferment The mind curdles before it breaks, a slow souring of thought, where hours sweat and clot beneath the skull’s thin vault Stress coils like old incense overburnt, choking, its ash settling in the lungs of every intention I raise My breath tastes of iron and fatigue, as if language itself has rusted, and syllables scrape the throat when I try to name myself The body knows first. Skin tightens in quiet revolt, muscle recoils from touch, even air arrives unclean And yet, in this congestion of self, a thought of relief moves through me, unwelcome, necessary, almost merciful I despise this wanting, not to be held, but to be emptied Rasa: Bibhatsa (Disgust) - Mridini

What if? What if the night kept its colour? As if nothing was taken from it. As if love didn’t pass through and left it’s outline in the dark I knew you before certainty learned restraint. Called it fate, because   it arrived without asking. What if you learned later how to stay   but you learnt how to leave the same way We loved in fragments rain-slicked evenings, rooms warmed by breath and laughter, hands steadying what trembled. What if in even our lasts felt held by something larger than us. I believed that meant permanence. You searched for me in old songs, in photographs that once carried weight. Nothing answered. I don’t doubt you. That is the quiet devastation. What if you stayed when I was unravelling, not because you wanted to, but because you could. I loved because I couldn’t imagine not. What if you hadn’t offered me an  if ? If feeling returns. If time remembers. Hope, distilled into politeness. If that makes me foolish, let it. I would rather have loved beau...

Elysium In dusk’s soft hush, a quiet stirs, a warmth that neither sun nor star confers he moves like twilight’s gentle call, unfolding shadows where dreams fall. I see eternity in each quiet flame, a warmth unspoken, without name, and in that gaze, so deep, so vast, I catch a glimpse of futures past. His smile, a hymn, so soft, so pure, that every sorrow fades, unsure, it blossoms wide, like fields in spring, and fills the air with whispered wings Compassion flows in gentle streams, through every word, like tender dreams; his spirit moves as rivers bend, to soothe,   to heal, and   to defend. And when he speaks, my soul takes flight, as if the world were bathed in light a moment held, yet undefined, a tethered heart, a liberated mind. If ever heaven graced this land, it lives in the warmth of his gentle hand, a touch that binds yet sets me free, a silent vow, eternally… Rasa: Shringara (Love)

Utopia The idyllic sky, oh, the stellar night, how does your fluoresce enchant my eye Your amplest blonde orbs of dew, made me ponder my notions and think of you Whispers and bittersweet linings of your voice, surround my inner phantom and noise, The silver weaves of the conifer trees, made me reminisce over your subtle breeze Nevertheless, it’s not just you, thou stellar night, It’s also the soul of elemental art, so bright your gentle eyes, seep through my spirit strokes of the brush   paint the palest of pink, and lilac chords I don’t despise I fairly hope to loaf around your hues, or explore the gleams of the alluring skies Please let me evoke my sense of wonder and not drown in a carafe of cries Rasa: Adbuth (Wonder) - Mridini Sivakumar Image credits:  https://images.app.goo.gl/ i4mgq9qmQUSQN4sh7 Adobe Stock Copyright  ©

Inquietude Fright, panic, and agitation, unsheathe a plight of outright sorrow, My heart drums tunes of apprehension, as the chin of gold, the moon, narrows The night crawls, and the darkness, unveiled, austere thoughts of anxiety awake, Sweat surged and inner voices exclaimed, the daunting wind gusts across my nape A play of fear bestowed by darkness, the trees of night seep through my veins, Arise the profound shades of harrowing black, and grotesque red that cries all shame Oh please, I want to seek every sense of solace, a relief that provides immense bliss, I wish I could be the one, valorous, but the etched screams of my soul seem abyss Rasa: Bhayanaka (Fear) - Mridini Sivakumar Image credits: © istockphoto.com